franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You ruined the universe
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
