Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
