I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
