my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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