If you die in college, do you die in real life?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
