I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
