The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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