my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
