The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
