but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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