that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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