well I can't set my house on fire every night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
