You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
