I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
