So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
