she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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