I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
