forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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