Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
there is glitter all over my balls
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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