at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Your penis caused this!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
