I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize