i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
