One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
