I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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