he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize