I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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