Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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