youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
