well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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