I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i came on her dog
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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