i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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