Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
