scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
