You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
