Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize