Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I deserve this hangover.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
