We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
