I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize