I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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