38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my vag is so smooth its legendary
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Everyone says I win the strip club
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