Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
