Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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