I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
