Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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