I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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