they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
