i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
