I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will be naked everywhere
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
