I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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