apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
