I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
