I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
