I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
50% drunk capacity currently
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
