So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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