My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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