dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
