I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
