also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
