why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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