If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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