Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
